Death came to a guy and said, “My friend today is your day…”
The guy said, “But I am not ready!”
Then death said, “Well your name is the next on my list…”
So the guy told death, “Ok why don’t you take a seat and I will get you something to eat before we go?”
Death said, “All right…”
The guy gave death some food with sleeping pills in it, death finished eating and fell into a deep sleep. The guy took the list & removed his name from top of the list to the bottom of the list.
When death woke up he said to the guy, “I will start from the bottom of the list because you have been so very nice to me…”
An old accountant is on his deathbed.
Summoning his last bit of strength, he lifts his head and whispers: “Is my beloved wife Sarah here with me?”
And Sarah says, “Yes, I am here.”
He then says: “Are my children — my wonderful children — are they here with me?”
And they reply, “Yes father, we are here with you to see you breathe your last.”
And he says: “Are my brothers and sisters here with me as well?”
And they too tell him that they are here.
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So the old man lays back quietly, closes his eyes, and says,
“So if everybody is here… why is the light on in the kitchen?!?”
A young guy and girlfriend were sitting on a low stone wall, holding hands, and just gazing out over the loch.
For several minutes they sat silently, then finally the girl looked at the boy and said, “A penny for your thoughts.”
“Well, uh, I was thinkin’. . . perhaps it’s about time for a kiss.”
The girl blushed, then leaned over and kissed him lightly on the cheek. Then he blushed. Then the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch. After a while the girl spoke again.
“Another penny for your thoughts, honey.”
The young man knit his brow. “Well, now,” he said, “my thoughts are a bit more serious this time.”
“Really?” said the girl in a whisper, filled with anticipation.
“Don’t you think it’s about time you pay me that first penny?”, said the guy.
