A man suffered a serious heart attack while shopping in a store.
The store clerks called 911 when they saw him collapse to the floor.
The paramedics rushed the man to the nearest hospital where he had emergency open heart bypass surgery.
He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at the Catholic Hospital he was taken to.
A nun was seated next to his bed holding a clip board loaded with several forms, and a pen. She asked him how he was going to pay for his treatment.
“Do you have health insurance?” she asked.
He replied in a raspy voice, “No health insurance.”
The nun asked, “Do you have money in the bank?”
He replied, “No money in the bank.”
“Do you have a relative who could help you with the payments?” asked the irritated nun.
He said, “I only have a spinster sister, and she is a nun.”
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The nun became agitated and announced loudly, “Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married to God.”
The patient replied, “Perfect. Send the bill to my brother-in-law.”
A middle-aged woman has a heart attack and is taken to the hospital.
While on the operating table, she has a near-death experience. During that experience, she sees God and asks if this is it. God says NO and explains that she has another 30-40 years to live.
Upon her recovery she decides to just stay in the hospital and have a face lift, liposuction, breast augmentation, tummy tuck – you name it, she had it
she even has someone come in and change her hair color she figures since she’s got another 30 or 40 years she might as well make the most of it she walks out of the hospital after the last operation when she is k.i.lled by an ambulance speeding up to the hospital.
She arrives in front of God and asks, “I thought you said I had another 30-40 years?”
“Oh, ” Said God. “I didn’t recognize you.”
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Which bottle will up first?
